Road Trip
by Alunamai
Summary: What happens when the Cullens take a cross country road trip... in one hummer? And then Sirius and Remus turn up...Lets find out
1. Everything Was Going Smoothly

I don't own Twilight or New Moon. They are Mrs. Meyers. I also don't own Panic! At the Disco or their song Camisado! I love Brendon Urie! I hear he's a virgin… and he is also only a year older than me… so that makes him twenty!

This takes place after Bella, Edward, and Alices graduation. So Bella is a vampire.

The Road Trip From Hell

By: Alunamai

Chapter One: Thing's started off smoothly…

Bella POV

"Okay, my question is, who in their right mind is going to take eight people… excuse me… vampires and stuff them all in an eight seater SUV? I mean, Emmett takes up almost an entire two seats!" I yelled at Carlisle… that felt good… I was aggravated.

"Carlisle does." Alice answered me. " Plus, this is a special SUV… It's a ten seater… don't ask how it was accomplished… it just was. Now get in." I did as I was told. I got in the back row of the vehicle and Edward sat next to me. Beside him sat Alice and Jasper, in front of us were Rosalie and Emmett, and Esme was in the passenger seat. Evidently that left Carlisle to the driving.

"Alice… this is not an SUV!" Rosalie spat. "This is a Hummer! That's why the four of you can fit in the back seat."

"What ever Rose." Alice laughed a moment. She then turned her attention to Jasper.

"Where are we even going?" I asked after a while.

"Denali!" They all cheered. Was it just me or was everyone happy about this road trip.

Lets see, I've been a vampire now for two months. I have an aversion to human blood. We just moved here to Maine, and we were now taking a cross-country road trip… and are going to attempt driving at a normal speed… this can only end badly. I mean… seriously… and we don't know what my other gift is yet… I mean… according to Alice… I have at least two.

"Bella, everything will be okay. We haven't been on a family road trip since… 1950." Jasper said quietly.

"Jazz, darling… that was only you and I… and the reason for that is because we found what we were looking for. The family hasn't been on a real road trip… ever!" Alice said with a giggle.

"Oh, right." Jasper laughed.

Carlisle started the hummer and started to drive toward the highway. Esme popped in a CD, which contained music from the opera _Carmen. _Immediately the car filled with groans… all of which came from the back seat.

"No!" Jasper yelled. "Anything but that!"

"N Sync!" Rosalie and Alice yelled. Most of us shuddered.

"From the vibration of the car, the answer is no." Carlisle laughed.

"Who listens to N Sync anymore?" Emmett asked.

"Obviously your wife." Edward said. "And her hyper active sister." And stone hit marble.

"I am not hyper active… just a little insane!" Alice said in a innocent voice.

"That's why you were in the asylum."

"Edward, do you want to start this right now. Cause you'll be going down… and theres nothing your Bella can do to safe you!"

"Leave me out of this."

"Well, no one likes N Sync."

"Excuse me Edward… after taking an extensive look at your music collection… I noticed that you have every single N Sync, Backstreet Boy, 98 degree, O Town, West Life, and Dream Street CD in existence." I said.

"Traitor."

"Oh, and did I mention that he has every single Cher CD as well."

"You listen to Cher?"

"Are you gay?"

"Obviously not since I am engaged to this lovely little traitor next to me."

"That doesn't mean a thing, Edward, and you know it."

"I like her music and that is all."

"I like her music… and that is all." Emmett mocked him. It was funny.

"Emmett, don't mock your brother."

"What is wrong with Cher?"

"Sweetie, it's mainly gay men who listen to Cher." I informed my fiancée.

"Well, I am here to put it out in the world… I am not gay." He smacked Emmett in the back of the head..

"Edward, don't hit your brother." Esme stated.

"Sorry, Mom."

"Ha ha, Eddie's in trouble."

"You know, Emmett, I don't like it when you call me by my shortened name." Edward said in a scolding voice. That must come from being the "older brother" of the group. When, in all actuality, it's Jasper who is the eldest brother. Of course, if you were to bring that up in conversation… Edward would argue it… until you agreed with him. I've tried, and according to Jasper, I am the only one who has been able to get Edward to agree with me.

"Too bad. Cry me a river, and have Jasper build me a bridge to get over it." Emmett said as he turned to face the road.

"How about I let you drown in that river?" Jasper said after a moment of thought.

"How about not?" Emmett said after a moment.

"How about we listen to this?" I said as a pulled a CD out of my bag. It was a mix CD that I had made a couple of weeks before with all of my favorite songs… or songs that reminded me of Edward or the Cullens. So mainly there were songs on there from Panic! At the Disco, Fall Out Boy, Blue October, Muse, Aqua (we all know it was Barbie Girl… aka… Rosalie), Savage Garden, and Goo Goo Dolls. Esme placed it in the CD player.

The IV and Your hospital bed 

_This was no accident_

_This was a therapeutic chain of events_

_This the scent of dead skin on the linoleum floor_

_This is the scent of quarantine wings in a hospital_

_It's not so pleasant and its not so conventional_

_It sure as hell ain't normal_

_But we deal, we deal_

_The anesthetic never set in and I'm wondering where_

_The apathy and urgency that I thought I phoned in_

_It's not so pleasant and it's not so conventional_

_It sure as hell ain't normal _

_Be we deal, we deal_

_Just sit back, just sit back_

_Just sit back and relax_

_Just sit back, just sit back_

_Just sit back and relapse again_

_Can't take the kid from the fight, take the fight from the kid_

_Sit back relax_

_Sit back relapse again_

_Can't take the kid from the fight, take the fight from the kid_

_Just sit back_

_Just sit back_

_You're a regular decorated emergency_

_You're a regular decorated emergency_

_This the scent of dead skin on the linoleum floor_

_This is the scent of quarantine wings in a hospital_

_It's not so pleasant and it's not so conventional_

_It sure as hell ain't normal_

_But we deal, we deal_

_The anesthetic never set in and I'm wondering where_

_The apathy and urgency that I thought I phoned in_

_It's not so pleasant and it's not so conventional_

_It sure as hell ain't normal _

_Be we deal, we deal_

_Can't take the kid from the fight, take the fight from the kid_

_Sit back relax_

_Sit back relapse again_

_Can't take the kid from the fight, take the fight from the kid_

_Just sit back_

_Just sit back_

_Sit back sit back_

_Relax relapse_

_Sit back sit back_

_Wo oh oh oh_

_You can take the kid out of the fight_

_You're a regular decorated emergency_

_With bruises and contusions that will remind me of what you did when you wake_

_You've earned your place inside the ICU's hall of fame_

_Camera caught you causing a commotion on the gurney again_

_You're a regular decorated emergency_

_With bruises and contusions that will remind me of what you did when you wake_

_You've earned your place inside the ICU's hall of fame_

_Camera caught you causing a commotion on the gurney again_

_Can't take the kid from the fight, take the fight from the kid_

_Sit back relax_

_Sit back relapse again_

_Can't take the kid from the fight, take the fight from the kid_

_Just sit back_

_Just sit back_

_Sit back sit back_

_Relax relapse_

_Sit back sit back_

_Wo oh oh oh_

_You can take the kid out of the fight_

_The IV and you hospital bed_

_This was no accident _

_This was a therapeutic chain of events_

Everyone had remained silent through the entire song. Then Carlisle started laughing and was soon joined by Edward.

"What's so funny?" I asked.

"It's almost as if they knew you!" Carlisle said after he contained himself.

"You would think? Right?" Edward said in between his fits of laughter.

"Right." I said after a moment. _Thanks For the Memories_ by Fall Out Boy was now playing in the background.

"Hey! A mall!" Alice chimed. "Carlisle, pull off the high way… lets go there!" She stated. "Hey! I said pull off the high way! Esme! Tell him to pull off the high way!"

"Don't order your mother around." Carlisle said after a moment. He pulled off the highway at the next exit and made his way over to the mall. "You have two hours… no more… no less. We need to be back on the road as soon as possible… and Alice… we are not going to stop every mall we come across!"

"Aww, why not?" Alice pouted as we neared the mall entrance.

"Because then it will take us a year to arrive at our destination." Carlisle answered after a moment.

"Actually," Jasper started. "It would take us over two or three years to arrive at our destination…" He stopped and had a look of horror. " I mean it would not take very long at all! Alice, I hate it when you do that."

"It's the only thing that causes you massive pain."

A/N: Okay, what do you all think… be honest now. I really need to know if I should keep this or not.

If you have any ideas, let me know! I can always use them!


	2. Until They Hit Canada And

A/N: Okay, thanks for all the reviews… I loved them! Well, I did get this idea from one of my lovely reviewers… they go by the name of Rosen Taiyoukai… I loved this… though I don't think there are Taco Bells in Canada (I could be mistaken… I mean I've never been there… but I am so going to put a Taco Bell there if there isn't one there!) Thank you!

I don't own Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse, or Dane Cook Jokes…. They are the rightful property of Stephenie Meyer and Dane Cook.

Chapter Two: … Until They Hit Canada And…

Carlisle POV

Later That Night (after the Mall)

"What in the hell did you buy?" Emmett asked after we all got in the car and started driving again.

"The entire bookstore." Edward said after about a minute of thought. "How many books do you and Jasper need? I mean honestly."

"Edward," Bella said. "Just because you can't appreciate great literature doesn't mean I can't buy the books."

"I don't read things like… what are they called… graphic novels… or as the Japanese call them… manga."

"It's entertaining." Jasper said after a moment. "Thank you Emmett, you have found the entertainment of… ummm… what was the word? Umm…"

"I'm hungry." Emmett interrupted.

"No. That wasn't quite what I was looking for." Jasper said. "Of course to think about it… I am too."

"Can we stop and go hunt?" Emmett complained.

"In awhile." I answered.

"Please!" Emmett stated.

"In awhile."

"PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZE!!!" Emmett kept going.

"No. Now settle down." Esme said after a moment.

"But I'm hungry."

"Stop whining." Bella said, tearing herself away from Edward for the two seconds of words.

"Can you two get a room?" Rosalie asked.

"Shut up." Came a muffled voice.

"Stop that Alice… it's not funny." Jasper said after a moment. "This not the time nor the place to play that game."

"But its fun." She said in a slightly seductive voice.

"NOT IN THE CAR!" I yelled. "We're stopping!"

"Why?" Esme asked.

"So Mr. Hungry pants can hunt… and Mrs. I WANT TO SCREW JASPER IN THE CAR can screw Jasper… nowhere near the car… thank you."

"Wow! Never saw that coming." Alice said after a moment.

We came up to a heavily wooded area and I parked the hummer on the side of the road. We all jumped out.

"Two hours! That's it!"

"Okay!" and we all went our separate ways.

_Two hours later._

"Um, Carlisle, where's the hummer?" Edward asked.

"I do not know."

"A bunch of crazy Canadians stole it." Alice stated after a moment.

"What are Canadians doing in Main?" Emmett asked.

"Maybe because Canada is very close to here, you freak." Rosalie stated.

"Well, we need to find another car." I said.

"We don't have anymore money." Alice stated. "I spent it all."

"Great." Bella stated after a moment. "We all need to get jobs."

x-x-x

Jasper POV

_Three Days later… Taco Bell._

"Welcome to Taco Bell, How may I help you?"

"TACO!"

"Umm, Sir."

"TACO NO LETTUCE!"

"Excuse me I'm bleeding from the fucking ears here, lets take the main down a tad okay Skid Row!"

"LARGE NACHO M Fer! I CAN'T HEAR YOU TACO BELL! YOU READY TO ROCK TACO ROLLER!"

"Um, Sir you don't roll tacos."

"I mix them up all the time sorry." I just blinked and shook my head. I gave the man his total and told him to pull up to the window. After I dealt with that customer, the next one came up and I nearly wanted to pull my hair out.

"Hello, welcome to Taco Bell, I am Jasper, how may I serve you?"

"I want, um, yeah, yes, um…" I could barely hear the woman. "um, I want some pickles, um some pickles, um some cheese, um… some extra cheese pickles…" _WTF… Cheese Pickles._

"Yum, Cheese Pickles." I heard Edward state.

"Ewe." Bella said.

I put the woman on the main speaker so every one could hear this.

"Umm, more pickles, what do you want, what do you want… um, bun seeds, no bun seeds," Not that we have bun seeds to begin with. "what do want, no no no, yes no, cheese, extra pickles, large shakes and large shakes, and how much, cheese…"

"Hello, Ma'am, hello,"

"Pickles, Extra Pickles, Cheese, Bun Seeds, Um… Ice… And Pickles on My Pickles and Some extra pickly pickles… cheese pickles…"

" Ma'am apparently you want some pickles… Um, do we even have pickles…"

"Cheese, pickles, pickles on my pickles, pickle cheese…" 

"Okay, are you trying to molest me via drive thru? What are you saying?"

"Chicken Tenders, sweet and sour sauce on my…"

"Sauce! She wants some sauce… drive around ma'am… she wants it out side the box and south of the border." Every one not only felt my agitation but felt the hilarity of the entire situation.

"Where do I go?"

"Where do you go? You follow the one fucking road your on to me." I paused a second. "Where do you go? Ma'am, you're going to go to the Texaco station, take a right. Go five and half miles South East. You're going to so a guy in a yellow poncho, his name is Charlie, he'll take you to the Nacho Lair in Nacho Land and if you don't get there in ten minutes, we take your food… that's where you go."

The sad part is… she believed me.

_An Hour later._

"Edward my boy." The supervisor yelled. "You have been promoted to manager! And maybe someday you'll make it to location supervisor." 

"WTF! Why the hell does he get to be manager?" I yelled. "I'm the one who dealt with pickle cheese nut bag."

"Jasper, what have I told you about jealousy?" Esme demanded.

"I don't need to be informed by what it is… I already know what it is." I yelled.

"That is not how we treat co workers, Mr. Hale, you are fired."

"Way to go, J-Man!" Emmett stated. "Now we all have to leave. Thanks!"

"I was kind of liking my manager position." Edward stated.

"Too bad." Bella said after a moment.

Out side… 

"Hey, isn't that our Hummer?" Emmett asked pointing in front of us.

Every one turned and stared at the vehicle parked across the street.

"No." we all answered.

"We didn't have hippie flowers painted on the side of it, dear. Nor did it have a smiley face antenna ball on the antenna."

"Hey, watch that cop car!" Alice yelled.

"What cop car?" Bella asked.

"That one coming from out of nowhere."

"Obviously we don't know where it's coming from… especially if it's coming from nowhere." Edward stated. "Where is it coming from, left, right, front, back?"

"Huh?" Emmett said after two seconds. "Is it coming from above? Or Is a alien space ship going to beam it down in front of us?"

"WTF!" I said. "What ever your on, I want some."

"Over there!" Alice yelled, as she pointed to our left.

We stood there watching as the cop car, speeding in the wrong lane of traffic, no siren on, collided with the hummer… which by the way was our hummer. How do I know this? Lets just say we were showered with all of the two hundred and fifty mangas we had purchased. No one who even owns that many would carry them all around with them.

"What just happened here?" Carlisle asked, realizing that it was our hummer.

"Apparently that was our hummer." Edward said. "How do I know this?" He looked at us. "Because we were just smacked in the face with a bunch of books, you manga freaks."

He picked one up and looked at the middle of the book.

"Now that is just a little bit interesting." He said after about two minutes.

"Are you that slow at reading?" Bella asked.

"No, I was just… _looking…_ over the page."

He was a little… shall we say… happy in the pants… if you know what I mean.

"What is it?" I asked.

He held up the book and I recognized it right away. _Gravitaion._

"Is that what it's called?" He asked.

"Are you sure you're not gay? This is not helping you in any way." Emmett said.

"Why? Isn't the one with pink hair a woman?"

"No, my love, that is a man. A pop star none the less." Bella said between fits of laughter.

He threw the book and sulked.

"I am not gay, I just did not know that she was a he… stupid yaoi fan girls… what was his name anyways?"

"Shuichi Shindou." I stated.

"Like that is really a boys name!"

"Uh huh." Bella sat on the curb. "So what do we do now? We have no car, no money, and Edward might be gay."

"For the last time Bell, I'm not gay!"

"Says the man who listens to Cher and gets a hard on from man love." I stated.

"Actually," Carlisle stated.

"Oh, here we go." Esme sighed.

"A man can be straight and get turned on, as you children put it, by two men… doing the no no cha cha."

"That's nice." I said.

"And no I am not gay! If I was, Esme would be a man."

Everyone looks at Esme.

"I am not a man! EDWARD TELL THEM I AM NOT A MAN! YOU WERE THERE WHEN HE BROUGHT ME HOME!"

"She is a woman. I would know! I had to help him clean the blood off her body! Just her upper half mind you! They didn't have enhancement drugs in the 1920's! So she is a woman! She had boobs"

"Well, now that that's cleared up, lets use this credit card and buy another vehicle." Carlisle stated.

"YOU HAD A CREDIT CARD THIS ENTIRE TIME? I HAD TO DEAL WITH PICKLE CHEESE LADY WITH THE SAUCE FOR MONEY AND YOU ARE NOW TELLING US THAT YOU HAD A CREDIT CARD?" I yelled.

"Sorry, I forgot."

"Right, sure you did."

A/N: A lot of thanks to one of my Best friends… Lastaras… he writes a lot of the anime fan fictions on here so you should go check him out. Oh, and none of the characters in this is gay… it's just fun to pick on them once in awhile!

Read and Review. We may hit some deer in the next chapter!


	3. And Then

Ok, now I have internet at home so I can try to update as much as possible! Which is a good thing… hey you, in the red hood… yeah you…. Stop sending the threatening emails about me not updating! Aro University will be updated in about a week… I am having a bit of writers block with that one!

Oh, I am sorry if this chapter sounds a bit stupid and is not very coherent or is very confusing but I was in a weird mood… sorry.

And again, I don't own Twilight, New Moon, or Eclipse. They belong to Stephenie Meyer!

Chapter Three: … And Then…

Alice POV

Day Five, Some where in Canada 

"Why is it purple?" Emmett asked.

"Why is it a Van?" Edward asked. "I mean… it's one of the slowest vehicles the planet has to offer!"

"Um, no." Bella said. "The Volvo Fork Lift is the slowest thing in the world…"

"How would you know?" Edward asked. "Have you ever driven a fork lift?"

"No."

"Then I rest my case."

I sat back and watched my husbands face. It was contorted in a look of annoyance. I couldn't stand seeing him like this. So I attempted to feel happy… it seemed to help.

"Are we there yet?" Emmett asked.

"No."

"Are we there yet?" Emmett asked yet again.

"No… why would we be there two seconds after you asked about two seconds later." Carlisle said turning in his seat and staring at Emmett.

"CARLISLE! WATCH THE ROAD!" Esme screamed. "You almost killed the poor defenseless deer!"

"That coming from a woman who kills animals to survive!" Carlisle said under his breath.

"I heard that, dear."

"I know… that's why I said it!" he muttered.

As we drove down the highway a sign caught Emmetts' eye and he nearly jumped out of the van. For on the billboard was a picture of Chuck Norris promoting his new soap product.

'Most soaps only kill 99.9 percent of germs… knock out all germs with Chuck Norris Germ Scrub… available at your local Walgreens!'

"My arch nemesis!" Emmett yelled.

"What? Because the man was able to kick your ass?" Rosalie asked while she inspected her nails. Chuck Norris is the only Vampire in the world that we know of that is in Hollywood and has made a name for himself! He has kicked Emmetts ass!

"Yes!" Emmett answered. "He shall pay for what he did to me! He is going down."

"Wow." Bella said. "So your arch nemesis, as you so kindly call him, is Chuck Norris?"

"Why yes Bella, he is my enemy." Emmett answered as if he were a prestigious member of a country club.

Some time later… 

"Do you know what I don't get?" Edward said after a moment. He didn't wait for an answer. "If Eiri doesn't like Shuichi, then why let him live with you… I mean, seriously…"

"I don't like Bella and I still let her live with us." Rosalie said after a moment of thought.

"Your not the head of the household." Carlisle said after he pulled into a gas station. "Now to make us look human, pretend to use the wash room, and peruse the snack aisle."

Emmett, Jasper and myself jumped out of the car and headed towards the store portion of the gas station. As Emmett strutted down the aisle he noticed a bottle on the shelf. It read…

Chuck Norris Germ Scrub… the knock out cure for stubborn germs… guaranteed to destroy all germs! No matter what!

"Hey, mister, how much for the Chuck Norris Soap?" I looked up at him with curiosity, as did Jasper.

"Four Canadian Dollars." The man behind the counter answered.

"Emmett, what in the bloody hell are you doing?" Jasper asked in a very rushed voice.

"I am testing the product to see if it is true… and if I could create a better product." He answered. "I want to prove that once and for all that I am the head kung fu master!"

"You are mental." Carlisle sang walking by us.

"I kind of have to agree with Carlisle on this one, mate." Jasper said patting Emmett on the arm and walking away.

"Oh, I see how it is, leave in the middle of a conversation, I see how it is! See if we go hunting together ever again."

"I'm shaking in my Pumas." Jasper retorted.

"Boys, stop this instant." Esme demanded before the fighting escalated.

"Yes mom." They both said.

"I want this magnet." Bella announced. "Edward, can I get this magnet?"

"Of course you can my dear."

"Yay!" That was totally not a Bella thing.

"Alright, everyone, make your purchases and let's get back in the van. We need to get going." Carlisle announced.

"Alright." We all groaned.

"Emmett, how many bottles of that crap are you buying?" Rosalie yelled.

"All of them." He answered.

"Don't you realize that you are supporting him by buying all of that soap?"

"Oh well."

"You suck at this game!" Rosalie yelled again and stormed out of the store.

Twenty Minutes Later… 

_Tick… tock… tick… tock… (keeps going… you must go to you tube and look up Harry potter puppet pals to get this part! The video is called The Mysterious Ticking Noise.)_

"What is that mysterious ticking noise?" Rosalie said looking at her husband. "It's kind of catchy. Hale, Hale, Rosalie Hale, Hale, Hale, Rosalie Hale."

"Edward!" Edward said in a high pitch voice.

"Hale, Hale, Rosalie Hale, Hale, Hale, Rosalie Hale"

"Edward!"

"Jasper, Jasper, Jasper Whitlock."

"Hale, Hale, Rosalie Hale, Hale, Hale, Rosalie Hale."

"Edward!"

"Jasper, Jasper, Jasper Whitlock."

"Emmett Cullen, Emmett Cullen, Emmett, Emmett Cullen."

"Hale, Hale, Rosalie Hale, Hale, Hale, Rosalie Hale."

"Edward!"

"Jasper, Jasper, Jasper Whitlock."

"Emmett Cullen, Emmett Cullen, Emmett, Emmett Cullen."

"Mary Alice"

"Hale."

"Cullen."

"Hale."

"Cullen."

"Hale."

"Cullen."

"We're singing our song, all night long in the Ugly purple van." All of us sang… except for Bella who looked at us like we were possessed.

"Hey, I found a pipe bomb under my seat."

"What?" Carlisle yelled. "Everyone out of the van."

Everyone jumped out of the van and rolled away just in time to hear the explosion. And then it rained Chuck Norris soap bottles.

"Even the bottles can kick ass!" Emmett said quietly.

And that's when we heard Bella singing to the tune of that weird Lollypop song.

"BellyBella, BellyBella, oooh, BellyBella, Belly Bell."

We just stared at her with our mouths open.

"What? It's okay for you guys to do it… but not me? That's not fair."

"My soap!" Emmett screeched after he just realized what had happened.

"You shouldn't have bought so much." Rosalie said quietly.

"We are car less yet again." Esme stated.

"Thank you Captain Obvious." Edward muttered.

"Well, I saw a sign that said that a town was up the road." Carlisle said.

"It also said that it was one hundred miles away." Esme corrected.

"That is true my dear, but we can run, now can't we?"

"Yes we can. But in the coverage of the forest would be best."

"To the forest!" Carlisle said in a voice like Adam West in the old Batman shows.

"Is that anything like the Bat Cave?" Edward asked.

"I don't know. But we need a car!"

"Oh, we'll get one, so don't worry about."

A/N: Okay, I ma sorry at how random this sounds but I am trying my hardest to update EVERYTHING… from Aro University to Trials Of The Heart… It may take a awhile but I am working on it… also, I do need more Ideas!

Reviews are needed in order to update! I need about five more reviews to update and again Ideas are welcomed!


	4. … There Were Ten…

I do not own Twilight, New Moon, or Eclipse. They are Stephenie Meyers. I also do not own Harry Potter, that belongs J.K. Rowling!

Road Trip

Chapter Four: … There Were Ten…

Carlisle POV

A few hours later… Cause their now thoroughly lost in the wilderness…

"There's a town up the road, he says… I'd like to see this town Dr. Cullen." Esme complained. "Do you even know where we are?"

"Of course I do." I lied.

"You're lying, Carlisle." Edward said with a laugh. "He has absolutely no idea where we are!"

"If there wasn't a damn pipe bomb in the car that we had this last time, we could be on the road… instead of looking for a town that doesn't exist!" Rosalie was screaming.

"It exists… it'll just be a while till we find it!" Alice said. "We just need to figure out where we are."

"Lost." Bella said after a few moments. "Need I spell it out for you… L… O… S… T… LOST!"

"Oh Pish Posh!" I answered. " If we just keep…"

"Wondering around we will find what we are looking for!" Edward finished for me.

"I hate it when you do that." I said annoyed.

"Do what?" Edward said, a grin forming across his face.

"Finish my sentences before I even get to say them my self."

"Sorry if I can read minds."

"Hey, I hear humans!" Emmett said, obviously proud of himself.

"Oh Joy!" Jasper said in fake enthusiasm. "More temptation, just what I need right now."

"Get over it Jazz." Alice told her husband.

"Maybe they could give us directions." Rosalie, Esme and Bella said together.

Bella POV

"For the thousandth time… WE ARE NOT LOST!" Carlisle yelled. He yelled so loud that that sudden silence afterwards was eerie.

"You spin me right round, baby right round, like a record baby, right round, round, round." Emmett sang. (A/N: Please do not ask…)

If we had been in anime we would all have massive sweat drops.

"Emmett, this is not the eighties." Rosalie said quietly.

"Right round, baby right round." He continued.

"Is that the only line you know?" Edward asked.

"You read minds, you tell me." Emmett retorted.

"From what I can see… yes."

"Will you two stop acting like children?" I said.

"Hey, I think I hear voices." Alice said after a moment.

"Alice, the voices are in your head… wait, I hear them too!" Jasper said.

"They're two peas in a… wait, as do I!" Carlisle said as he put his hand up to stop everyone.

_If I could Turn Back Time!_

"I hear Cher!" Edward exclaimed… a little to excitedly.

"That's nice." Emmett said. "And I just said that I heard humans. Duh!"

"I WOULD FIND A WAY!" Edward yelled… that was so not Edward-like.

"Wow, you are sooooooooo gay!" Jasper said in a snicker.

"Shut up Whitlock or you'll be singing soprano." Edward retorted.

"Can we just find these damn humans and get the hell out of here." Rosalie started walking forward.

"Rose, your language." Esme said.

"Sorry." Rosalie sounded exasperated. "Can't we just get out of here, I mean I'm getting mud and bracken all over my new shoes!"

"Well, nobody told you to wear your new shoes, now did they?"

"Shut up Edward!"

"Wait!" Alice said putting her hand up.

"What?" Jasper asked looking at her.

"Shhhhh!" Everyone stopped talking. It was then that we heard the approaching foot steps.

"I am telling you, we are not in England anymore!" a male voice exclaimed.

"You're wrong Remus!" another male voice exclaimed.

"Seriously, Sirius, we are lost!" the one called Remus voiced.

"We are not lost, if we were lost, I would know!"

"Wow, he sounds like Carlisle!" I exclaimed. "Well, about being lost that is! Not in the voice department." The Cullens just stared at me like I was a nut bag… kind of the same way they stare at Alice when she gets one of her harebrained ideas.

"Why do those voices sound familiar?" Jasper asked himself silently. He pondered a second and then came to realization. "Do you think that in some twisted reality that book characters are real and we just happened upon two of them in this demented Canadian forest… especially since in the book that these two hail from, they are dead! Well I should say books. Harry Potter and the Order of The Phoenix and Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows."

"You talk to much." Rosalie quipped after a very long pause.

"Yeah, and James would come back from the dead!" one of the new comers said. "Quite frankly I believe…"

Why did he halt in his speech?

And then there we stood, staring at each other in awe.

"Greetings!" Carlisle said excitedly.

"See I told you we we're still in…"

"No, you are not, I'm afraid." Edward started. "You are in Canada… at least I think this is Canada… We are lost same as you."

"How did you… what just… what?"

"I'm Carlisle Cullen." Carlisle continued. "This is my wife Esme, and these are our adoptive children, Edward, Emmett, Alice, Rosalie, Bella, and Jasper."

"Sirius Black and this is my friend Remus Lupin."

"Are you related to Jacob Black?" Edward asked, his one eyebrow raised in suspicion.

"Who?" Sirius asked.

"No one."

"One of you is a werewolf." Rosalie asked… only it sounded more like a statement.

"How did you know?" Remus asked.

"I can smell it." Rosalie stated.

"How?" Remus asked again.

"That's for me to know and you never to find out!"

"Wait, You're a werewolf?" I asked.

"Yes." He answered.

"Are fucking serious?" Emmett exclaimed.

"That too." He laughed.

Too much information, way too much information, things I never wanted to know.

"This here is Edward…" Jasper said pointing out my fiancée. "If you two are ever looking for a threesome, he's available." Then Jasper took one large step backwards."

"Jasper, for the last time, I am not gay." He muttered under his breath.

"We need to get out of here." Alice said after a moment. "There are some hooded figures coming… and their not the Volturi."

"How did they find us?" Remus asked.

"Who?" Emmett asked.

"Ahh, must be the Death Eaters!" Jasper exclaimed.

"Jasper say what?" Emmett said in a rather moronic tone.

"The Death Eaters are after Remus and Sirius because they obviously know the were abouts of Harry Potter!"

"Harry who?" Rosalie asked.

"The boy who lived!" Sirius stated. Rosalie just looked dumbfounded.

"Don't worry about it, they'll catch on soon enough." Remus said after a moment.

"No, seriously, we need to go! Like… now!" Alice yelled.

And then, just as suddenly as they appeared they disappeared taking us with them.

A/N: Okay, I hope you liked this chapter! I will not update till I have a sufficient amount of reviews… like five or ten… Sirius and Remus will make sporadic appearances through the entire fic so beware… I really hope you all liked it!

I am open to any ideas!

Next Chap: Deatheaters, The Sword of Gryffindor, and a Faerie Party…


	5. And A Short Stop At the Weaselys

Okay I am sorry for anyone who felt offended by the gay joke in the last chapter… that was so not my idea! SO I will try to keep the gay jokes to a minimum… please accept my apology and please read this chapter.

Also, this is a very short chapter. I promise a longer one next time.

I don't own The Twilight Series or Harry Potter. They belong to Stephenie Meyer and J.K. Rowling.

Chapter Five: … And A Short Stop At the Weaselys.

Esme POV

(Somewhere that only Sirius and Remus Know… I hope)

"Well, that's odd!" Sirius said after a moment.

"WHERE THE HELL ARE WE?" Rosalie screeched. "I knew I should have just stayed home. But no! I go along with these dim wits!"

"Aww, is Rosie in a mood?" Emmett chastised.

"Shut Up!" She said and started walking off into the distance toward lord knows what.

"Where are we?" Sirius asked Remus.

We all looked around and saw one of the strangest looking houses we have ever seen.

"The Weasleys!" Remus announced.

"Remus? Sirius?" A woman called in a worried voice.

"Molly!" Sirius said happily.

"Who are your friends?" she asked in a happy tone.

"These are the Cullens." Remus said. "This is Carlisle and his wife Esme, and their adopted children Edward, Emmett, Alice, Bella, Jasper and Rosalie."

"It's very nice to meet you. Now in you all get before we are seen." We Were rushed into the Weasley house and then were told to take a seat.

"Now," Mrs. Weasley said. "I must tell you that we are going to try and get you all back to where you came from safely… but it may take a few days..." all of a sudden there was a very loud pop. She rushed over to the window to see who it had been. "Ah, Harry dear." She said rushing out the kitchen door.

"Is it just me, or are we in the Twilight Zone?" Edward asked.

"I believe so." Carlisle answered.

"Come dears, we need to be going, we must get to a safe house." Molly said running into the house. "Come, we must be going."

A/N: Like I said very short… I don't really like this chapter… I can't really write the Harry Potter Fan Fiction… but I think I have an idea of what the next chapter will be… sorry for this being so short, please review… and give any ideas that I could add!


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